Two Idiots For Your Amusement November 28, 2009

ATM Moron:

BOULDER, Colo. – Authorities say a man in Colorado apparently tried to steal an ATM by hauling it away with a truck.

The plan didn’t work. The alleged attempted theft of the free-standing, outdoor ATM in Boulder set off an alarm early Wednesday morning. When police arrived they found the ATM on its side about 15 feet from its foundation outside a Chase Bank. No money had been taken.

Surveillance photos show a man hooking the ATM’s chain to the back of a U-Haul truck. The truck, which had been reported as stolen, was discovered a short distance away later that day.

 http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091127/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_atm_u_haul;_ylt=Ank4GEZQ90maIZdnTmVuh6ntiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJpZm1ubjI0BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkxMTI3L3VzX29kZF9hdG1fdV9oYXVsBGNwb3MDMQRwb3MDMQRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3J5BHNsawNtYW5hcHBhcmVudGw

 

WARWICK, R.I. – Police say a 17-year-old Warwick boy who skipped school to rob a bank has been arrested after leaving fingerprints on the threatening note he passed to the teller. Warwick police Capt. Sean Collins said the boy handed a note riddled with misspellings to a teller Thursday, demanding money or “everyone will be shot.”

The teller at Coastway Community Bank gave the teen money, but he didn’t have much time to spend it.

Police said his image was captured on surveillance cameras, and his fingerprints were found on the note.

Police said the teen was arrested six hours after the alleged theft and faces a first degree robbery charge. The teen, whom police declined to identify because he’s a juvenile, was being held at the Rhode Island Training School.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091124/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_truant_robber

Veteran’s Day November 10, 2009

FYI – Banks will be closed Wednesday, and Thursday is likely to be very busy as people utterly freak out when banks are closed.

 

On a more serious note, a personal salute to all the past and present members of the armed forces. I honor you and appreciate all that you do, more than words can say.

It’s Halloween Time At The Bank October 23, 2009

Halloween is just around the corner – yea! And I’ve got some tidbits to keep in mind when doing your banking.

 

1. A lot of banks will have a stash of candy for the kiddies, so bring them in costume, everyone will get a big kick out of seeing them. Unsure if your bank will be handing out candy? Just ask. If your bank is located downtown they might even have someone standing on the sidewalk to give out the candy so you can keep the kids moving as they rake in the good stuff.

 

2. Do not come inside in a mask. Whether you are 3 or 33, leave it in the car please.

 

3. Your bank’s employees might just be in costume, it’s worth checking out!

 

5. Please do not come wear a mask in the bank.

 

6. The bank might have some great Halloween decorations, but keep an eye out. Every now and then there is a bank with a fun-loving trickster on staff and squeals of surprize are hilarious!

 

7. Seriously, no masks in the banks.

 

8. No, you may not ask why I skipped #4. It’s my Halloween secret!

 

9. It’s likely to be busy as it will be Friday and the day before Halloween so if you do not care to partake of the festivities I would make sure my banking was done the day before or use an ATM. Be prepared to wait in line. If you choose to wait in line on Friday with a mask on, you will gain first hand knowledge of how fast the police respond to bank alarms.

 

 

Have a ghoulishly good time! *insert evil laughter here*

I’m Glad It Worked Out, But… October 22, 2009

… it’s still a very bad idea!

 

ST. PAUL, Minn. – A St. Paul bank teller refused to hand over cash to a gunman and lived to tell about it. Authorities said the would-be robber walked into the Cherokee State Bank on Tuesday afternoon. He pointed a handgun at a teller and demanded money, but when she refused, he ran away with nothing.

St. Paul police spokesman Sgt. Paul Schnell said it’s best for victims confronted by a robber to comply. Schnell said, “Sometimes, they respond as this man did, but sometimes they don’t.”

The FBI described the suspect as a white man in his 30s, 5-feet-8 to 6 feet tall, with a slender to medium build. He was wearing a black coat, blue jeans, a white bandanna around his neck, and a red baseball cap.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091021/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_teller_says_no;_ylt=AhHLm1OAtXmB3zbrfgDJPFDtiBIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJtdnE4czcyBGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMDkxMDIxL3VzX29kZF90ZWxsZXJfc2F5c19ubwRjcG9zAzMEcG9zAzUEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yeQRzbGsDZ3VubWFucnVuc2F3

What Are You Talking About? October 20, 2009

It’s Monday, we’ve got customers lined up and the phone is ringing.

 

Sandra, one of my part-time tellers, comes up to me. “Can you take this call? She wants to verify our address. I have no idea what she’s talking about.”

 

Not sure that I can figure it out better than she can I answer the phone. Immediately the woman on the other end launches into a spiel. She is going to send me $300 in coupons towards my utilities along with information on how we can save money on taxes and other useful things. All I need do is verify the address.

 

“Ma’am, we have whole departments to take care of things like that. Why do you need the address, will this sign us up for anything?”

 

“We just want to get some money-saving information to you! Plus there are $300 worth of coupons for your utilities!”

 

“But would this sign us up for anything? Like a free trial then it is so much a month kind of thing?”

 

“Don’t you want to save money? It’s no obligation and you get $300 -”

 

“Coupons, I get it. Does. This. Sign. Us. Up. For. Anything?”

 

“You have 30 days free! Then there is no obligation-”

 

“Thank you very much but I feel I must decline. Have a nice day.”

 

I can’t remember how long it took just to get to the point. Plus she kept getting my name wrong, that irked me. Everytime she used a slightly different name. I wonder how many people fall for her tricks, and not very good ones at that?

Sorry For The Fright October 19, 2009

I’ve always loved Halloween. And what better way to share this love than with Halloween decorations? Only it seems my decorations were too scary this year. There is a new addition to the decor and it actually turned customers away from the bank and thus had to be taken down from the doors. I did finally convince my boss to allow me to display the items inside the branch, but it was with great reluctance that Bob agreed.

 

The offending item?

 

Too scary …

Welcome To The Bank! How May I Piss You Off? October 14, 2009

Well, it’s been one of those days. Yesterday was Columbus Day, a Federal holiday so the banks were closed. While I enjoy all the time off I can get, we really pay for it the next day. We were slammed! And being short staffed on top of that did not make matters any easier. Let me tell you when you really piss one person off, you know it’s going to be that way alllll day.

For your enjoyment, here are some of the highlights of the day:

1. The Check Cashing Guy

Him: I need to cash this check.

Me: Sir, this check is made payable to a business. It will need to be deposited into the business’s account. Is the business account with us?

Him: No. My bank wants to put a two day hold on it. I can’t have that! It’s your check, why can’t you cash it?

Me: Because it is made payable to a business. If it was made payable to you personally I would verify the check and cash it. I’m sorry sir, it’ll have to be deposited.

Him: *becoming more furious and speaking in increasing volume* I can’t believe it! This is stupid, you are stupid! It’s drawn on your bank and you’re telling me you can’t cash it? Well, I’m never doing business with this bank! How stupid can you be that you can’t cash a check?

He then storms out of the bank, which is a good thing because it was so hard to be polite and civil to him.

2.  Missing Deposit Guy

*phone rings, it’s a teller from one of the other branches*

Her: My customer says he cashed a check and made a deposit last Monday, but the deposit is not showing in his account. Can you check your records?

Me: Sure, what’s the account number?

As I’m looking up the information, I can hear him in the background going on and on about how he cashed and check and made a deposit and we lost it and now we have to make it right.

Me: I see the cashed check, but there is nothing here about a deposit to his or anyone else’s account. Does he have the receipt?

Her: I’ll check.

In the background I hear her ask.

Him: Of course I do! I’ll be right here in my checkbook. Oh. Oh wait. Oh. Oh.

Me: What’s going on?

Her: He found the deposit he thought he made. We’ll take care of it. Thanks!

3. The “You Should Feel Bad” Guy

Jane is one of my part-time tellers. She doesn’t work much and needs help sometimes processing transactions. She calls me over to help. I go over to her and her customer starts in on me.

Him: You! You messed me up last time! You told me it was going to be one fee, but it wasn’t!

Me: *very confused* I’m sorry sir but -

Him: You should be sorry! You should feel really bad! You should feel awful for what you did to me!

Fortunately for me and my job, Jane figured out what she needed to do. I just turned my back to the customer and walked away. I still have no idea who he was and what that whole thing was about. But if he every shoves his finger in my face again, I’m going to shove his hand where the sun don’t shine.

4. The No Hold Lady

Her: I’m only going to say this once. I need $500 cash back, $1000 into my savings account, and the rest into my checking account.

Then she thrusts a check into my face. It’s a check for almost $4000. Since she doesn’t have any account numbers with her I look her up in the computer. Hmmm, this check definitely needs a hold placed.

Me: Ma’am, due to the size of the check and it’s out-of-state, there will be a hold placed. Once the hold comes off I can move the money around as you need it. Do you want it into your checking or savings account?

Her: What do you mean there’s gonna be a hold? I just sold my car. I need that money now. Why? Why would you put a hold on the check?

Me: Because of the size of the check and that it is an out-of-state check. *In my head I’m also adding because your account is in the negative, where it usually is*

Her: No.

Me: Ok. Here’s your check.

Her: I can’t believe this. I’m gonna take this to another bank and you won’t see none of it!

Me: I apologize for any inconvenience. Have a nice day.

Of course she slams the door on her way out.

 

How you treat other people says a great deal about you and your character and morals. And if you see someone who waits on you or provides you a service as someone who is underneath you, you need to get your head out of your hindend.

You Can’t Give Away The Bank’s Money October 8, 2009

DETROIT – A Michigan bank manager who insists she gave the $340,000 she stole over eight years to needy customers was sentenced Tuesday to a year and a day in prison by a judge who declared that her “Robin Hood days are long over.”

Patricia Keezer, 53, said the embezzling began in 2000, when she would give needy people $2,000 at a time for car repairs, mortgage payments and taxes. Keezer commonly reversed bounced-check charges and other fees when she was a manager of Citizens Bank, formerly known as Republic Bank, in Manchester, 70 miles southwest of Detroit.

“I would take other people’s problems and make them my problems,” Keezer told the judge. “I do have a problem with giving things away.”

She repeatedly expressed remorse and said she would accept the death penalty for the crime if it were a possibility and she didn’t have a family.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Erin Shaw asked for two years in prison and said Keezer’s claim of a crime rooted in charity was “implausible.”

“We don’t know where the money is. … It just doesn’t add up,” Shaw said.

But defense lawyer Raymond Cassar noted there’s no trail of luxuries. He asked the judge to sentence Keezer to home confinement.

“She didn’t use it on herself. She didn’t bury it in the ground. She didn’t give it to her husband,” he said of the missing money. “She gave it away. It’s believable.”

U.S. District Judge Marianne Battani chose to impose the minimum sentence for a convict to earn time off for good behavior.

“You are like a modern day Robin Hood,” Battani said of the folklore hero who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. “Those Robin Hood days are long over.”

The embezzlement was discovered a year ago. Authorities say Keezer covered her tracks by preparing false records and disguising the true value of the bank’s cash by covering stacks of $1 bills with $100 bills during audits.

A bank official who was in the courtroom declined to comment.

 http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091007/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_mich_robin_hood_banker

 

Wow. Just … wow.

And Now For Something Completely Different September 19, 2009

Ahoy ye maties! Shiver me timbers, tis Talk Like A Pirate Day!

All together now say “ARRRRRR!”

Here be some pirate-y good sites fer ta a-seein’

http://www.boston.com/ae/specials/pirate_quiz/

http://www.yarr.org.uk/

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/

Tellers Are Human Too September 11, 2009

“Good morning ma’am, how may I help you?”

“Take $700 off my card. Put $200 into my checking account and $100 into my savings.”

She hands me her debit card. Ok. Debit cards are connected to checking accounts so on the surface her request to pull money “off” her card and deposit into her checking makes no sense. But then I think, ah-ha! She probably has more than one checking account, we’ll pull from the one attached to the card and deposit into the other plus the savings. With a firm sense of purpose I pull up the lady’s accounts. Hmmm, only one checking and one savings. And yes, that checking is linked to the debit card the lady handed me.

“Ma’am, I see only one checking account for you, the one that is linked to this card. When I withdraw the money from the card it is taking it out of the checking account. If I withdraw $700, it comes out of the checking. Did you want me to withdraw $500 and put $100 into savings?”

“No! I need $700 off the card, $200 into checking and $100 into savings. Why can’t you understand that?”

“But when I withdraw the $700 it comes out of the checking. I would taking money out of the checking and depositing into the checking. Do you see what I’m saying?”

“Listen, you must be new or stupid. Take. $700. Off. The. Card. Duh!”

This is getting me nowhere and a line is quickly forming behind her. “Yes ma’am. I will take $700, deposit $200 into checking and $100 into savings.”

“Finally!”

At this point I’m taking deep breaths. She’s treating me like an idiot when she doesn’t even understand what she is doing. I smile and hand her the money and receipts. “Here you go, have a nice day.”

She pointedly ignores me and flounces off. She would not want anyone treating her this way at her employment, but what does she think gives her the right to treat me this way? It makes me so mad! This type of behavior, sadly, is all too common.